DaBears 2009 wrap up, part 1
December 2, 2009I have most of the stats updated, and we will get to all the awards and All Century Team stuff starting in a few days…
First though, let’s look back at some of the highlights of this year. Vote for your favorite moment of 2009 and use the comment section to put in your last minute thoughts for the season and yearly awards.
Time to make fists with my toes.
58-20
mela kaliki maka
So far the bruise hasn’t looked that bad. It took it a day just to start turning colors. and the colors are pretty faint.
Jimmy, make sure to take lots of Orange Crush just in case.
A mere four days after saving her husband, Tiger Woods, from a parked automobile by smashing his windshield with a golf club, Elin Woods again saved her husband from a potentially catastrophic mosquito bite by cutting his penis off with an axe.
Police rushed to the golf superstar’s home in Isleworth, Florida, on Sunday morning after receiving calls from neighbors about Woods staggering out of his home in the middle of the night, carrying his own detached and bloody penis in his hand.
According to a statement from Woods’ publicist Glenn Greenspan, “At approximately 2:34AM this morning at their home, Tiger Woods and his wife Elin were up discussing how best to bring debt relief to the people of Africa, as they are known to do. At this time, Mrs. Woods noticed that a mosquito had landed on her husband’s penis and had begun sucking on it. I don’t need to tell you that mosquitoes are the number one carrier of malaria in the world today. Mrs. Woods knew that if she didn’t act quickly to get rid of that mosquito, her husband would almost certainly die.
“So, summoning an inner strength she never knew she had, she reached for an axe and bravely chopped off her husband’s genitalia,” the statement continued. “If Mrs. Woods had responded in the way that she had, the golf world may have lost a legend. My client is forever indebted to his wife for boldly slicing off his manhood.”
However, Isleworth police officers and others still have many questions for Mrs. Woods in the wake of her husband’s impromptu penile castration. They do not believe alcohol was involved, but anonymous sources say Woods had scratches all about his testicles and anus, and had a dagger sticking out of his shoulder at the time of the incident. “This story sounds awfully fishy to me,” said Harvey Levin of gossip giant TMZ. “If you wanted to get rid of the mosquito, why not a simple c-ckpunch?”
Tiger and Elin Woods were scheduled to meet with police on Monday morning, but have since delayed that meeting until a time that better suits their convenience. Greenspan estimates that time will be somewhere in the neighborhood of January 3045
Tiger is a man whore and a hero to us all.
One team wins 2 games, another team wins 1. I asked around and the team that wins 2 is the champ.
The BCS has invaded Arlington softball.
yeah, but 58-20 is embarrassing… more so than 2 losses.
When did Tony Dungy change his name to Herm Edwards?
chirp….chirp….chirp…..chirp
What’s up sports fans?
Hey Josh!
This for blows. I bet there’s more action on the NAMBLA website today. I’m looking at you Big Matt.
Which NAMBLA site? National Association of Marlon Brando Look Alikes?
Menstruating Bears?
Tiger likes vagina as much as Josh likes man/boy love.
So a lot?
White?
Strugggallinnga
Jimmy, I hope you are having all kinds of freaky sex in Hawaii.
cross off another state
Good for you Jimmy, the only state I have ever had sex in is drunk.
Thank God for chloroform, that’s all I’m sayin’.
15 states down, 35 to go.
58-20.
I think I’m drunker now than I was last night.
2 games to 1
58-20
2 games to 1 and 2 years in a row. After next year it will be considered a dynasty.